Sue's Diary
by Aondeug
Summary: A diary of Sue's stay in the Mimiga village and her relationship with Toroko. Post-game.
1. Entry 1

Greetings. I don't have much of anything to say in this note besides please comment on the work.

The disclaimer thing I don't really need: I don't it.

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Entry 1

I really don't feel like doing this, but Kazuma said it would help. I am annoyed that this is coming now. Everything's going fine (well not really fine, but better I suppose) and then something happens. Sure it bugs you, but it doesn't really hit you then. No, it decides to wait until maybe a few days or even three months pass and then it comes at you with all the force of a freight train.

Writing is supposed to help cope with such things. My brother says so anyway. I don't really know where I want to start though. In all honesty I don't want to start at all. In fact I'm thinking about crumbling this paper up right now. My dreams are getting worse though, so I guess I'll put up with this. Dreams should be a nice place to start. Yeah.

Dreams kinda bug me. I don't hate them or anything, but they just have this quality about them that gets to me. Like they're hyper realistic and yet they always don't feel quite like reality. It feels like a dream and yet it feels real. Then sometimes you can't remember them, but you'll have this feeling that you do. It'll be right on the tip of your tongue and yet you can never remember it.

This dream though, I remember it very clearly. Even now I still can picture it in my mind. So I had got away from the Doctor. I was running. I didn't know where to. I never could navigate on that island and I wasn't really concerned with where I was going. I just knew that I needed to get far away and fast. Being near a crazy man with god powers and servants to answer his every beck and call just isn't very good for your health you know. I didn't get very far on foot though. Nope I fell through a hole and banged my head sharply on the cave wall. I hit that wall hard enough that I passed out.

There was a period of simple blackness after that. I could have been dead and I never would've known (but how do you know when you die anyway). That didn't last for long. Or maybe it did. You can't tell time when you're conked out because you smacked right into some big rock after you tripped. I can't remember how the dream began. I never can. Kazuma swears he can. I'm not sure I believe him, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now. So I was falling. Falling from the island into a black expanse of nothingness. The Doctor laughed from up on the island. He seemed to be enjoying my panic quite a bit. Even in my dreams he's a sick bastard. I swatted at the air. It didn't do any good, but I didn't really care. I was falling and I was frantic. Swatting at nothing seemed like a good idea.

Falling can't last forever though. You can wake up or hit the ground, but at some point it has to end. In my dream it just sorta ended. I'm not sure when or how the next bit of my dream began, but I was drowning next. Where I was and why I was drowning I didn't know. I was just drowning as that witch cackled away. She just laughed and laughed as I helplessly sank lower and lower. Drowning hurts. Even dream drowning. You can't breath. There's a dull pain in your chest. Your body feels weak and helpless. At least that's how it felt in my dream. I wasn't really scared like I was when I was falling. I was frustrated. I could see the surface. I could see the sun. I couldn't get to it though. I couldn't even move. I knew I could get there, but I just didn't have the energy. So I was gonna die. I remember thinking to myself "Well this sucks". That seems so stupidly apathetic. "Oh I'm dying...darn..."

The dream ended. I woke up some time after that for a short while. I blacked out right after opening my eyes though. My sleep was dream free then. Nothing. Just dark. I was being carried to the Mimiga Village during this time I guess. They didn't like me very much (the feeling was mutual) ,but they apparently had the decency to save drowning strangers.

When I did finally wake up I felt like hell. My head was splitting and I was disorientated. Not a pleasant mix of feelings at all. Then to find that I was in some new and unknown building made it even worse. I wasn't being kept in prison by a mad doctor with a magical hat, but I was somewhere unfamiliar. That scared me. I couldn't do much about it though. I tried to sit up a bit (boy that was a stupid idea) and ended up making my condition worse. I was helpless. That bugged me a lot.

It was then that I first saw Toroko. She had been sitting next to my bed (it was really her brother Arthur's) watching to make sure I didn't suddenly die in my sleep I suppose. She hopped off the chair she had been sitting on and ran off. She spoke with someone in the next room, I could hear her. The person (well mimiga really) she spoke to was King, the mimiga's leader in this town. Even then he disliked me though at that point it was only because I was someone new. Later he'd come to hate me for my personality and being friends with Toroko as well. He was real nice. Here's what he had to say about me. "She can stay until she can walk. Then she must leave or suffer the consequences." What a happy mimiga King was. You couldn't really blame him though (I did anyway). His village had been hit by the Doctor and his goons earlier. Toroko pleaded with him for a bit. She gave up.

After she abandoned her attempt to convince King otherwise Toroko came back to sit next to me. "How are you feeling?" she asked. Her voice reeked with concern. That along my mood (it was sour as could be now that I knew I was safe for a while) made me answer her with "What do you think?" My first impression of Toroko wasn't all that great.

Toroko apologized after that. She must have thought that she was the reason I was upset. It wasn't her so much as it was well, everything. Being betrayed by the man who was supposed to see to your safety on an island you never wanted to visit just kinda ruins your mood. Toroko sat by the bed quietly after apologizing. She was concerned, but was worried about upsetting me again. At least I think she was anyway. I wasn't paying much attention to her. I was busy being mad at mom and everything else.

Some time passed. I'm not sure how much. I never could tell on the island. That always bugged me. It made me feel even more lost and helpless than I already was. Toroko got up and said something about food and getting me some. I warmed up a bit at hearing that. I hadn't eaten in a long while. I was hungry. Toroko soon came back with flowers. Being the human (well former human) I was I was accustomed to food being things like bread and steak and flowers being those pretty things you keep in vases. I questioned Toroko about the flowers. I wasn't all that nice about either.

"This is food."

"No. Those're flowers."

"Which are food."

This back and forth exchange continued for a while and then I couldn't take it anymore. I was fed up with this island and everything on it. Some rabbit was trying to convince me that flowers were suitable food stuffs for humans (she never said human, I just kinda assumed). I yelled at her. I feel bad for that now. Not much I can do now though. She shrank back a bit and asked what the mimiga where I came from ate.

"Who cares what they eat! I'm a human and we don't have you things where I live anyway!"

Why I remember saying that so clearly, I don't know. I suppose it has to do with what happened next. Toroko looked at me confused and said to me "But...you are a mimiga."

I was getting tired of this joke (at least I thought it was one) and held up my hands so that she could see them clearly. "See hu-" I never got very far because I saw that my hands were now white and fuzzy. I pulled at the fur lightly at first and then yanked on it hoping that it would come out. It didn't. All I got were a few hairs and a hurt hand. I was kinda hoping that Toroko had glued fur to my hands while I slept as part of some overly elaborate prank. Denial didn't work though. I reached for my hair. That had turned from a head of verdant green locks to soft white fur. Where my little human ears had been before where long loppy mimiga ears. Needless to say I didn't react to this well at all. I let out a small cry as I panicked. Even my voice was different. I hadn't noticed that before.

Toroko wasn't sure what to make of my reaction (who would be?) and asked stupidly "Are you okay?" Why is that all most people can think to ask in such situations? She must have realized that it wasn't at all helpful because she apologized right after asking. She didn't try to ask more superficial questions to try and console me. She didn't try to dissect my mood and every factor leading to it. She just stayed there. I knew she was there, but she didn't badger me. I liked that about Toroko. Had my mom or Kazuma seen that outburst I would never had had any rest. I calmed down and said to myself "I'm a mimiga". Toroko nodded in agreement. It didn't feel real. I felt dumb for forgetting that that witch had turned me into a mimiga.


	2. Entry 2

Entry 2

I had a nightmare and I can't get back to sleep. Dang it. It was another dream about Toroko's dying. I didn't really have them before. I guess the excitement of it all kept me from being too worked up about it. Of course I didn't even know that she had died for a long time. I was being taken back to the Doctor. I was far away from the Sand Zone, that robot boy, and Toroko. They tried to save her, King and the robot, but they couldn't. She had already been forced to eat those flowers when they arrived.

The thought of an enraged monster Toroko is hard to imagine. She was always so kind and jumpy. She was strong for the little thing she was (or maybe King just let her push him around a lot), but Toroko being strong enough to hurt that robot. That's hard to believe. Even now. Kazuma says that's part of my problem. I'm still in denial.

I wasn't around when Toroko died. I felt it though. At least I think I did. The Doctor's goons had captured me and the remaining mimiga in the town. King had got away. I would learn that he went to the Sand Zone to stop the Doctor later. I was sitting around in my prison cell waiting to fall asleep when I was filled with this sudden feeling of absolute dread. It really threw me off track. I tried to ignore it, but it refused to let up. I lay in bed and examined the wall hoping that it would distract me. It didn't. I just stared at a wall feeling like crap until I started crying. I didn't know why. I just cried. I wouldn't find out till much later that King had died trying to save Toroko and that Toroko had to be killed to stop her. That feeling didn't bother me again until I learned that Toroko had died. Shortly after it left again. It's back now. I can't sleep because of it. Sometimes I wish I had never met her or that I had just been a cold standoffish bitch. I didn't though. I have a headache now. Crap. I miss Toroko. Crap.


	3. Entry 3

Entry 3

I took a walk today. The sky depresses me now. Before, when I was on the island, I couldn't wait to see it again. Being surrounded by cave walls aggravated me. I never really cared all that much about the sky and the outdoors, but on the island I couldn't even poke my head out a window for a bit and see the sun. Nope. I just saw rocks and more rocks and some more rocks.

I complained about that to Toroko a lot. She was the only one really willing to listen to me. Or maybe she was the only one I would let listen to me. Either way it doesn't really matter does it? Kazuma will probably tell me that it does when he reads this.

Toroko had never seen the sky before. She told me that one day. I had been in a fight with King earlier that day and went to the reservoir to curse the island and everything on it. I kicked a rock and stubbed my toes. I cursed my new mimiga body as well. I was used to wearing shoes and being able to kick most things without worrying about smashing my toes.

While I was being angry at everything I could think of Toroko came up to me. She had heard about my fight with King from Jack. She was worried that I would run away from the village and get mauled by something in one of the caves. Even if I wanted to (I did, I really did) I couldn't run anywhere. Heck even if I could, the Doctor would still find me. That or his army of crazed mimiga would kill me and everyone else that stood in his way.

Toroko asked me how I was. She always did. Everyone does. It's just the thing you say to greet people. I didn't say "Fine" like most people though. No, I complained about King and not being able to leave. I hated those rocks and these walls. I wanted to be outside for once. To be able to look at the sky and know that I wasn't trapped in a cave. But I couldn't.

Toroko was really interested in the sky. She had never seen it. When she told me that I was shocked. Sure I knew the mimiga in the village never really went to the surface, but I couldn't imagine never having seen the sky. I was used to it just kinda being there. I didn't know what to say. So all I could manage was "Wow". That sounded stupid. I was aware of that and cursed that too. There was an awkward silence and then Toroko asked me "What's it like Sue?"

How do you answer that? I mean it's the sky. It's there. Well not there there, but I couldn't think of how to answer. I looked up at the ceiling hoping that the sky would just mystically pop out and be all "Hey look! I look like this!" After some thinking all I could come up with was "Well it's big and...blue. Most of the time." Wow Sue. That was great. Most awesome answer of all time. Toroko didn't seem to mind though. She just wanted to know something about the sky. She had this adorable look of wonder on her face then. I can still picture that face.

"And it doesn't fall down, right?"

At first I felt like lightly smacking her for asking that, but then I realized that she had always lived in a cave. Caves they, well, cave in. Cave ins tend to kill things that get caught in them. That thought caught me off guard and distracted me for a bit. Dead mimiga, their little bodies crushed under the ceiling that fell down. Toroko must have had friends that died that way.

"Does it fall?"

"No it doesn't. Things sometimes fall from it though. Like rain."

"Rain?"

"It's water that comes from the sky in little drops. It fills up lakes and stuff."

Toroko had a big smile on her face when I said that. It was cute. I looked at my feet embarrassed. I didn't really know why. I just was. My feet were still mimiga feet. There was an awkward silence. I couldn't really think of anything to say. Toroko must've not been able to either because she was just as quiet as I was. I felt bad for Toroko. Not being able to see the sky. I wasn't so embarrassed anymore. No, I was jumpy and ready to do something stupid. I did. I made Toroko a promise that I probably shouldn't have. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if I hadn't.

"I can show you it when I leave. If you want. You can come and see it."

Toroko lit up at hearing that. "Really? I can go with you to the surface Sue?" Her face dropped a bit and she said, "I don't think King would let me though..."

King annoyed me. He was pushy and hated me. The thought of him deciding things for Toroko got to me. "Like he can stop you! I won't let him." I said proudly. I was ready to go punch his face in and run off with Toroko to the surface.

"Really Sue?"

"Course."

Toroko's expression fell again. "But how would I get back?"

"My mom!"

"Your mom can fly?"

"No. Course not. She's a rocket scientist though. She made the rocket that got us here. She could make another one. She likes the island after all."

Toroko smiled. She couldn't wait. I could tell, but she told me so anyway. All I could do was smile back. I giggled a bit for some reason. I felt like a fool, but still kept smiling as wide as I could. Toroko joined me in laughing. It was fun, but childish. It kept our minds off the crazy man who wanted to take over the island and dying mimiga though. It was great to be able to ignore that. Even if only for a little bit.


	4. Entry 4

Entry 4

I talked to Kazuma about this journal today. I tried to get out of continuing it. He feels I'm making gradual progress though so he wants me to keep writing. I could just refuse to do it, but that wouldn't sit well with me for very long. Damn you Kazuma.

Toroko had a brother named Arthur. He died protecting the village during the Doctor's first attack. I never met him. I didn't show up at the village until a while after that attack. I'm assuming so anyway. They never told me exactly when it happened, but by the time I fell into the reservoir the mimiga had already made a grave for Arthur. It was a big one too.

Toroko and me had talked about our brothers a few times. The first we talked about them was four days after (again I'm guessing) I came to the village. Toroko had mentioned her brother and I mine a few times before, but we hadn't really talked about them much until then.

I had been talking about how I wanted to get off the island. I couldn't leave without Kazuma, Mom, and Professor Booster. The Doctor needed to be stopped too. He planned to send an army of enraged mimiga to take over the surface. I couldn't just go out and find them though. They were still being held prisoner by the Doctor. So I figured anyway. I sat on my bed (it was actually Arthur's, but it served as mine during my stay) as I complained. Toroko sat on the ground leaning against the side of her brother's bed. She liked to sit on the floor for some reason. I never asked her why.

"So the Doctor still has your brother?"

"I don't know. Hope not." I was worried about Kazuma. What if the Doctor killed him for being useless or disobedient or something? Toroko knew I was worried about him, but she didn't bother saying things like "He'll be all right" to try and make me feel better. She knew that bugged me.

"Knowing Kazuma, even if he has escaped he's probably got himself stuck somewhere." I didn't know how accurate that was at the time. I would later learn that Kazuma had got himself trapped in a building in Grasstown with no way out. He had been there for a few days and was on the verge of eating cockroaches.

Toroko giggled at that. That cheered me up. It always did. I liked to see her happy and smiling. And annoying King of course.

"Your brother sounds fun Sue."

"Fun?"

"Yeah. Arthur was nice, but he wasn't silly like Kazuma sounds."

"He is silly, but fun?" I love Kazuma. I really do. But I give him crap. It's part of my job as his younger sister.

"Arthur used to take me on walks. We would talk about things like how silly Jack's new hat looked." Toroko looked at the ground. An uncomfortable tension filled the room. I felt a need to do something, anything. All I managed to do was blurt out "Uh..." like a tard. I looked at my feet after that. I couldn't stand sounding so dumb.

And then she started to cry. Toroko apologized. Why do people have to do that? "I'm sorry I feel bad. Wah..."

I sat around not knowing what to say. I had to say something. I couldn't just let her cry and ignore her. But I couldn't say something like "I'm sorry" or "It'll be all right". Stuff like that never helps. They're just routine phrases we spew out because it's expected. Not because we actually feel that way. Instead I climbed down from where I was on the bed, crawled over to Toroko, and hugged her. It was a firm strong hug. I wasn't satisfied with it though and tightened my grip some more. Toroko returned the hug. My heartbeat had speed up. I could hear it in my ears. It was an unnerving sound. Nagging and penetrating. I had rested my face against Toroko's without noticing that I had.

"Sue?"

Her voice seemed so loud. It shocked me. Our faces were touching. That shocked me too. I stayed in that position regardless.

"Yeah?"

My voice had cracked a bit. It sounded so girly.

"Thanks. You smell nice by the way."

That really caught me off guard. For a moment I forgot about Toroko's dead brother. Confused I let out a pathetic "Huh?"

Toroko answered by nuzzling against my face and mumbling something that I couldn't make out. She wasn't crying anymore at least. Still "You smell nice". That seemed a bit left field. Mimiga

have strange compliments. Things like "Your ears are long".

She slept in my bed with me that night. Talking about Arthur had shaken her up pretty bad and she didn't seem to like being alone when she was sad. I adore company and concern. I try to hate it though. Toroko didn't try to hate it or pretend she didn't like it. She relished every last bit of it. Toroko clung to me all that night. She had rubbed her face against me again. Mimiga have scent glands in their cheeks. I would learn that in the morning from King. Pheromones are released from said glands and said pheromones are rubbed on belongings, family, friends, and mates. Not knowing that I nuzzled up against her. I just figured the strong mingled smells came from how close we were.

The next morning King was angry. He was upset with how close Toroko was getting to the "stranger" that he wanted to be rid of. His fur stood on end and Toroko nervously looked at the ground. I just laughed. I'm not the most culturally suave person in the world.


	5. Entry 5

Entry 5

King never wanted me around. In reality it probably would've been best if I had left the village. There was no way for me to leave though. Still if I had maybe there would be survivors from the village.

The village was attacked a total of three times when I stayed there. It survived the first two quite well. The third attack was the end of the village and the mimiga who lived there. The second attack occurred when I had been out checking on the dragon eggs. Toroko had been keeping the key to Arthur's house. King had wanted me gone after the first attack. Toroko kept me locked up in Arthur's house to protect me.

That first attack had been a shock. I had thought the village was safe from the Doctor for some reason. He had just been waiting and planning is all. The Doctor sent that witch and her talking toaster to capture me.

I had been in Arthur's house when they started their rampage. Toroko had ran back to her brother's house and locked the door. She had been lucky enough to avoid being seen by the witch and her evil toaster man. Toroko hurried me off to the basement. She wouldn't let me go to the very back. I would learn later that back there were the remains of the red flowers that Arthur had eaten to save the village.

King had been out on patrol near the outskirts of town. He wouldn't make it back in time to help the town guards. There had been four guards remaining in the village. Stu, Taro, Paco, and Paul. Stu was King's biggest fan. He followed King around like a dog and ran off to do whatever King asked him with the same eagerness as a dog. Taro and Paco were twins who hated each other. The one thing they could agree on was their hatred of me. Paul was an overweight, lazy mimiga. He whined a lot, but his hearing was fantastic. Sadly he slept like a rock and he had been asleep during the attack. The toaster killed them. There had been six female mimiga in the village besides me and Toroko. Tatsuki, Lucy, Clara, Belle, Kitty, and Mako. Tatsuki and Belle were best friends and clung to each other every waking moment. Clara hated most of the other female mimiga and thought Jack was cute. Lucy and Kitty were sisters that I didn't see much of. Mako was Clara's bland tag along.

Toroko sat curled up against a wall. She covered her ears and fidgeted around. I sat near her. I couldn't stand just sitting there. Sure I didn't like them much, but the mimiga didn't deserve to be butchered by the Doctor's two favorite goons. I couldn't work up the strength to do anything though. I tried, but I couldn't even stand. I wanted to do something, but fear kept me back.

King had heard the commotion and he and Jack ran back to the center of the village. They had managed to chase the witch and toaster away without a fight when they arrived. She thought she had had me in the group of female mimiga and ran off to show the Doctor her triumph.

There was a banging at the door. Toroko jumped. I froze. And then we heard King's voice. Boy he had sounded angry. "Toroko you bring that stranger out now!" My welcome in the village was up. I could tell.

Toroko told me to stay put and went off to deal with King. The door opened and closed. She had locked the door behind her. I'm still amazed that I could hear that click all the way from the basement.

King wanted to hand me over to the Doctor in the hopes that he would leave the village alone if he did. Toroko was smart enough to realize that the Doctor wouldn't give up on the village. The Doctor had attacked the village even before I was there. King wouldn't accept that though. I was his scape goat and he wanted me gone. I'm thinking though that maybe I should've given myself up. Toroko had only been kidnapped because the witch and her toaster thought she was me. She might've lived then. But I didn't. I bet you King cursed me as he died. He had every right to really.


	6. Entry 6

Entry 6

I haven't written much about when I first got to know Toroko so I'll write about that today.

After I accepted the fact that I was a mimiga I spent my first day exploring the village. Toroko had been worried about my walking so soon. I ignored her. I asked the mimiga if they knew how to get off the island. No one except Jack had any useful information to provide. He told me about the sky dragon eggs in the egg corridor that were watched by Igor. They weren't ready to hatch according to Jack.

Irritated about being incapable of leaving I walked back to Arthur's house and complained. Toroko was still inside. She had been cleaning and fiddling with things near her brother's bed. Toroko was one of those people that had to fix and mess with things when she was nervous or upset. Even when she wasn't wigging out she couldn't keep still most of the time.

I had claimed Arthur's bed as my own. I headed towards it and flopped down. Toroko messed with the nightstand next to the bed. I was frustrated with this whole situation and Toroko's nervous habit made it worse. Something about the sound of things being moved around annoyed me. What was wrong with the nightstand anyway? Toroko opened the drawer and fiddled with the things inside. Why did she have to mess with the drawer too? I was fed up with her and her organizing.

"Can you please stop." It was more of an order than a request.

Toroko had dropped something. I never learned what it was.

"Sorry!"

I didn't respond. I was just grateful for the quiet. It didn't last very long though. Toroko wanted to strike up a conversation with me. Why, I have no clue.

"So you're not really a mimiga?"

"No."

"What's your name?"

"Sue."

"I'm Toroko! This is my...brother's house. It was anyway..."

"That's nice."

"So where ar-"

"Can you please shut up." I really was a bitch. Why Toroko put up with me I'll never know. If I were her I wouldn't have put up with it. I would've told myself off.

"Sorry!"

I rolled over on my side and glared at the wall. Toroko stayed put for a bit. She walked off to continue her cleaning out of earshot. I was glad to be rid of her.

Laying there got boring though. I couldn't just lay there all day. I had to do something. So I got up and decided to look for some communication device. I thought that I could maybe contact Mom's lab and ask for help. There wasn't much in the house. A few bookshelves, two beds, a small kitchen, and so on. And there was a computer. I thanked god and proceeded to mess with it. I didn't get very far though because it was locked up with a password. Joy. What sort of password would a mimiga use anyway?Carrots? Hole in the ground? I didn't bother with trying to break the password. I thought I might get lucky and find the password written down somewhere in the house. I couldn't find any such thing on the open spaces of the home. I could have dug through Toroko's things, but I decided against it. There wasn't much use in getting kicked out of a house with a computer.

Toroko came back from wherever she had gone to. She found me laying on my stomach on her brother's bed.

"Have you met the others Sue?"

"Mmmm..."

She must've realized that I still wasn't up to talking because she left the house after that. She told me she was going out to speak with King or something. I didn't really care. After she left I took a nap.

Toroko's coming back had woken me up. I don't know how long I had slept. Toroko hadn't commented on my sleeping. She said hi and sat on the ground near her bed to fidget with something. It was a picture of her and her brother. The frame had been bent out of place when Jack dropped it trying to get me into bed when they first found me. That's the story I got from Toroko anyway.

I didn't feel like sleeping anymore. I got up and walked around the house. Toroko was busily trying to set the frame back. I looked over at her to see what she was messing with. Toroko looked back at me. It was weird feeling.

"This is my brother Arthur and me."

Toroko held up the picture for me to see. I couldn't see well from where I was, but I didn't go to take a closer look. I would do that at night time when she was asleep. I wouldn't be able to sleep that night. Probably because of my nap.

"He died protecting the village from the Doctor."

That had pulled at me. I had a brother. Sure he could be dopey and annoying but he was my brother. What would I do if he died? When he died? We didn't talk much after that. Hell I hadn't talked to Toroko at all that day afterwords. I think that's what warmed me up to her. I'm sure it is.


	7. Entry 7

I can't sleep. I've been having trouble sleeping for a while. I can't fall asleep easily and when I do I just wake up again. Maybe it's some sorta cosmic payback for refusing to keep up with this journal project for two weeks or so. I'll just write now. Maybe it'll help me stop thinking and I'll be able to go to sleep. I'll probably look at this in the morning and be like "What the hell did I write? God this is crap." Maybe. I dunno. I don't really honestly. No I do. I just don't want to. This already looks like crap. I should just stop writing now. I don't want to though. But I want to. Why dammit?

You know looking at my hands now they look really weird. Don't know why. I should be used to my bunny hands by now. If I got my human hands back would they seem strange to me? Does it really matter?

I'm sitting in the bathroom leaning against the door. I like sitting in there when I can't sleep for some reason. I feel calm or something there. I still can't get to sleep in here though. I just don't feel as sucky.

Toroko had cute little hands. I really liked them a lot for some reason. Her fingers were so thin and nice. I hate that word. Nice. What a stupid word. They were soft too. I liked holding her hands. That feeling of warm fur against my own was I'm crying. Dammit. I miss Toroko's tiny white hands. They looked so cute fiddling with things even if I didn't like the racket she made when fiddling. The sound of things being moved around and taken apart and cleaned bugs me. Not so much now though.

I don't really like my hands all that much right now. That doesn't make any sense. I should sleep. But I can't. Darn.

Mimiga don't have pads on their hands. I thought they might. I don't know why I thought that though. Rabbits don't have them why would rabbit people?

I'm not crying anymore. I feel like hell though. I have a headache. It's not a hard pounding one. It's one of those stuffy sinus ones. I don't know which bugs me more. I think that sinus ones do. Why am I holding my pencil so funny? Why do I even care?

I wonder if Toroko could write? I never saw her write anything. She could read though. I couldn't read mimiga very well. Why did I know how again? I can't remember right now. Mom I guess. Toroko taught me a bit. I didn't really want to learn, but she was teaching me. I would learn so long as she was the one who taught me. I always thought mimiga looked funny. The language. I didn't like how it sounded really. Toroko sounded cute though. She had a soft little voice. I can hear it still. Hallucinations from sleep deprivation I guess. The way she said my name was


	8. Entry 8

I forgot about this journal and what I wrote last night. Or maybe I was just so grumpy about being awakened to a door to the face that I just didn't care. The day's almost up now. I read through what I wrote while sleep deprived and can't remember having written much of any of it. And why was I so obsessed with hands? I wonder if I always am when I'm like that? I doubt it. Might be col if I am though. You know cool in a bizarre creepy hand obsessed sorta way.

I stopped mid sentence before passing out in the bathroom. I have no idea what I was going to write. Oh well.

I think I'll tear that entry out and throw it away. Kazuma will probably notice though. He has this knack for noticing little things like that.

You know I don't know what I want to write about today. I can't think of anything. Well anything of any relevance to Toroko and the mimiga. I guess I'll just go take my bath. Oh hey. That made me think of something. Huh.

So here goes. Me and Toroko had been talking near the reservoir. I had noticed that the mimiga didn't bathe in water. I had learned that from Mom a while back, but I thought it was dumb and paid it no mind.

I didn't know why they didn't take baths though. So I asked Toroko. Sure it wasn't all that important, but I really wanted to know for some reason. Her answer boiled down to water doesn't feel nice and wet fur smells. The mimiga smelt regardless, but I had grown used to their unbathed rabbit stench by then. You can get used to anything if you're around it long enough.

I would learn first hand that Toroko was right. I had been walking near the water's edge while talking to her when I tripped on something. Maybe it was a rock or some crazy land walking cave fish. Or my huge mimiga feet. Either way I couldn't catch myself and fell into the reservoir. I guess mimiga are like cats and don't have that resistance to water like other animals because once I fell in I wanted to get out of and as far away from the water as I could be. Or I was embarrassed about looking like such a dork.

Toroko had been right about mimiga fur smelling bad. Once I was out and used to being cold and wet I realized that my fur reeked. Bad. Toroko she just laughed and laughed though. I stared at the wall feeling all ashamed and weird about falling and having to have Toroko help me out of the water.

Apparently while she was helping me out the necklace I gave her fell out of her shirt pocket into the reservoir. The robot boy would find it and keep a hold of it. Like most everything else I didn't find that out for a long while. It's some wonder I also didn't learn that the toaster was actually a demonic bar of soap or that the Doctor really wanted to make a TV show instead or wage war on whole world.


	9. Entry 9

Kazuma and me got into a fight yesterday. It was really more me yelling and screaming at him, but I'll call it a fight regardless. Kazuma came to check the journal. I had managed to keep him from doing that for two weeks. He understood if I needed time. I wasn't time I needed. I just needed this whole project to be gone and done with. So I thought anyway. I still kinda do though.

So anyway Kazuma looked through the journal after I more or less threw it at him. I was in a bad mood yesterday and Kazuma was making it even worse. He noticed that I hadn't been writing. He wants me to write at least once a day if not more.

So he asked me why. I just snapped at him. It wasn't anything all that bad. Then anyway.

Kazuma looked through what I had written and asked again. I was tired of his questioning and this journal. I could feel one of his lectures coming on. The thought of that got me even more worked up. So I told him that I thought that this journal thing was full of crap and that I wanted to stop. Right then and there. Kazuma insisted that I had to keep up with it. He had seen some progress. So he said.

He let me sit around and stew in my anger for a bit. He knows that to keep pushing without any breaks doesn't go to well with me. He also knows that while letting me sit around bugs me it is the lesser of two evils.

I got fed up with the silence and asked him ,"What?"

Kazuma closed the journal and put it on his desk. He looked over at me. He was worried. I could tell. I didn't want him to be though. I could handle it on my own. I like to tell myself that anyway. Deep down I can't handle it or most anything else alone. Kazuma knows it too. Toroko seemed to know. I'm sure even King knew.

"Have you been feeling better Sue? Even a little?"

When he asked me that I exploded at him. The truth was I didn't know if I was or not. How was I supposed to tell? How am I supposed to word my improvement? I still don't know really. I screamed things to that extent at him. Kazuma just sat in his chair looking concerned. I started to cry while throwing my fit. I knocked something of Kazuma's over in frustration and plopped down on the floor.

Kazuma sat there for a bit before coming over to me. He didn't try to hug me. I would've bit his ear off or something if he tried (I could probably manage that too now with these mimiga teeth). Instead he just kneeled down next to me and placed a hand on my head. He ruffled my fur a bit. He didn't try to tell me that I would get better soon or that it was all right. Instead he said that he'd read through what I had written and give me a while to cool down. He wants me to keep writing though. I think I'll put up with it. Maybe it is helping. I don't know. I'll just have to wait and see I guess.

Oh yeah Kazuma. Thanks. Sure you pissed me off, but I think I needed that. Tell anyone though and see what happens. Thanks though. Really.


	10. Entry 10

That fight the other day made me thing about a fight I got into with King. In that case it actually was a fight and not just me throwing a hissy fit. I forgot what we had been talking about. It had been an actual conversation between us that didn't involve the hurling around of insults. Not then anyway.

King said something. I can't remember what. Whatever it was I made a crack about how Arthur had died. That was stupid of me. Unbelievably so. Cruel too. Why did I even say it? I can't even remember what I said. It had to do with those red flowers but what was it exactly? I don't know.

King got pissed. That's understandable really. Sure he was a naturally grumpy bunny man who hated my guts, but a joke about Arthur's death was uncalled for. Toroko had been walking by. She had heard what I said. I laughed as King's fur stood on end. I wasn't aware of Toroko's being there yet.

"Get out."

His tone wasn't loud and fiery like it normally was when he was angry with me. It was subdued. Restrained. It was such a strong hate he felt towards me at that moment and I didn't really noticed.

"I'd love to, but I can't."

King told me to leave again. He was finally starting to bubble over. You could tell in his change of tone.

"Again I'd love to bunny boy, but I can't. I'm a rabbit not a bird."

He hit me in the face. I stood there in shock for a bit. He had never touched me until then. I realized Toroko had been watching. I didn't know for how long. I didn't think about what I did next. I just did it. I really shouldn't have though.

I lunged at King. He was able to get pinned to the floor and helpless with ease. I can't fight to save my life. I talk a big game, but I can't live up to it. At all. King didn't proceed to beat on me or strangle me. I thought he might. He just held me to the floor and glared at me instead. I wanted to jab his eyes. That or find a hole to hide in forever. Given the chance I would've done the latter.

Toroko stepped in at that point. She got King off and away from me. He stood still. He kept staring at me. God he hated me. I could feel it then. It scared the hell out of me. I kinda hoped that Toroko would pity me and take my side in all this. She didn't. She wouldn't talk to me. She had every reason not to. Instead she gave me this look. I really messed up. I knew it. I was really wanting to find that hole. That or die.

I couldn't take standing there with the two of them so I stormed off and holed myself up in Arthur's house. I blamed King on my way. Toroko wouldn't be home until much later. I never learned what she had been doing. I never will.

I tried taking a nap. I couldn't though and lying around doing nothing just fouled up my mood some more. So I got up and looked around the house. I thought about messing with the computer and trying to get a hold of someone, but I decided against it. I decided to look in the basement instead. I wanted to know what was in the very back of it. I kicked a dusty box on my way to the back. There were red flowers back there. The remains of them anyway.

Things made a shocking amount of sense then. Arthur had eaten the flowers to protect the village from the Doctor. The shock made me dizzy. I left the basement then. Being down there made me sick. I wouldn't go near it again ever again.

I moped around the house for a few hours. That sick feeling still didn't go away. Then Toroko came home and it got worse. My heart dropped when I heard the door open. I was an ass that made jokes about her dead brother and here I was hanging out in her house regardless. I sat on my bed and stared at the wall. She left me there and kept to herself for most of that night. Most of it.

I really don't know why but Toroko came to see me. I can't imagine why she'd want to, but she did. I kept looking at the wall. She sat on the bed. That unnerved me. She wouldn't say much of anything. She did say my name once. I curled up and kept staring at my wall. I wished I was the wall. The wall wasn't a fuck up. It was just a completely innocent wall.

"I'm sorry."

Why did she say that? She had no reason to. I had every reason to, but I couldn't because I was too much of a weakling to say it. I couldn't ask her why either. I just cried instead. I sat there and bawled my eyes out. Toroko sat the on my bed. Why didn't she leave? She didn't talk with me. Why didn't she leave or at least say something like "Sue you're horrible. Why'd you joke about my dead brother?"? Why Toroko? Why? Dammit.


	11. Entry 11

I had an odd dream last night. A mimiga was eating my brain. I didn't seem to mind it. I just sat there like it was the most normal thing in the world. We didn't talk. He just munched away while I watched a family of ducks walk around in circles. Those ducks were really interesting for some reason. They didn't do anything really. Just walked in circles. I stood up and my head started to hurt. I couldn't keep my balance and fell to the ground. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. My body refused to move. The mimiga let out a loud belch and said ,"Sorry but cerebellum is hard to come by".

I woke up with those words clear in my mind. I got out of bed and almost fell. I was still disorientated from that dream I guess. After making certain that I wouldn't land face first on the floor when I took a step I went to the kitchen to get a snack. On my way I looked at the clock in our hallway. It was only five in the morning. I wonder why I woke up so early. I'll blame the sleep deprivation. It's convenient and plausible.

I sat on the kitchen counter as I ate an apple that I got from the fridge. It was bruised. I made a quick trip to the restroom and still felt groggy. I headed back to my room to try and sleep. I couldn't get to sleep and spent my time watching early morning infomercials.

I did feel sufficiently less crappy today. I'm sure it's a one time thing though. I'll be back to being moody tomorrow. I did have a small panic attack type thing when I realized that I had misplaced my necklace. I found it in a pile of clothes that I hadn't taken out of my room at the time.

I didn't used to care about this necklace. Well I did, but it wasn't something I'd get worked up about. But that was before I gave it to Toroko and before she died. Now I carry it with me constantly and freak out if it goes missing. Imagine what it'll be like when it breaks. That'll be a fun day. I'll be able to look back on it and laugh at how stupid I was in time though.

I'm kinda surprised I even got it back actually. Toroko had lost it in the reservoir. It could have stayed there and I would've never have seen it again if it wasn't for that robot's finding it by chance.

I gave this necklace to Toroko the same day I promised her that I'd show her the surface. It was to be a reminder of me when she went back to the Island. It was during dinner that I passed it on to her. By that time I had grown used to eating flowers daily. I was starting to like them actually. I had a brief fear of "going native". That's not really important is it?

So anyway we had been talking about that stupid promise I made her. We knew that we couldn't stay together no matter where we were and I think we both knew that even this "plan" of ours wouldn't go anywhere. Even if it did work she'd have to go back to the Island eventually. The surface just isn't a place for mimiga.

I refused to give into that at the time though. I took off my necklace that I got from mom, walked over to Toroko, and held it out in front of her. I had planned to put it around her neck, but my stomach jumped when I finally got there and I didn't have the strength to do anything but hold it out. I kept my hand out waiting for her grab it. Toroko just looked at it.

"Huh?"

My face warmed up when I heard that.

"It's a gift. You know a memento thing!" That came out in a rushed mess.

Toroko sat there looking confused for a bit longer and then smiled nice and wide. She took the necklace from me and put it on.

"Thanks Sue."

"Sure..." was all I could manage to say. My fur had been standing on end. I could feel it. That unnerved me even more. Toroko stood and scurried off to get something as I stood about embarrassed about something. She came back with that picture of her and brother. It took her awhile because the frame was so bent out of whack but she finally got the photo out and handed it to me. My mouth curled up into a smile against my will. I felt dumb. I would continue to feel like that for the rest of night.

I still have that photo. I folded it up and kept it safe in my shirt pocket while on the Island so now it has two large creases down and across it. It sits in a frame I keep near my bed. I bent the frame one day when I stepped on it (I think I knocked it over that day, I had been in a rush). The similarity to it and the frame in Toroko's home freaks me out at times.


	12. Entry 12

My sleep has been getting worse. I am becoming an insomniac. Crud. I wasn't aware that it could get worse. I mean passing out in the bathroom and having nightmares all the time is pretty bad. Who would think it could get even worse? And now I know! Not a lot of good that's doing me. It doesn't have to be like this. I know that. But I let it stay like this. Actually. I'm letting it get even worse. I don't really know why. I don't really care either. Throwing my life down the drain seems like a damn good plan at the moment. But it isn't. I'm just too stubborn.

Toroko told me that one day. I had got mad with Jack because he wouldn't let me see the graveyard. He was guarding it to keep the Doctor away (I want to crack a stupid joke about that. That's good right? Humor?) A good ten minutes or so of arguing with him didn't change a thing. I had wanted to check the graveyard for an escape route. After that I just wanted to see it so I could spite Jack. I complained about this to Toroko.

"You're too stubborn Sue".

She said that calmly while looking at me. Afterwords she went back to trying to fix that busted picture frame. She was really intent on fixing it. A type of stress relief I guess. I knew she was right. I denied it anyway because I was silly and stupid. I'd still deny it actually. Frustrated about this whole situation I groaned. Toroko giggled when she heard that.

I didn't get a lot of sleep that night. Toroko had got me out of bed and dragged me outside. I mumbled small complaints about it. I didn't know why and I didn't care why. My sleep was being interrupted. Toroko ignored that though.

We neared the graveyard gate. I wasn't able to connect the graveyard and our being out. Toroko pulled me around the corner of the town hall. That woke me up a bit more. She forced me down behind a crate and I complained. She ignored me still and poked her head over the crate to look at the graveyard's entrance. I tried to sleep. Just when I was finally falling a sleep Toroko pulled me up again and dragged me off towards the graveyard. I let out an annoyed groan.

She planted her hand over my mouth promptly. We stayed like that for a bit. I felt like biting her palm the best I could and then leave for bed. Her pupils had been dilated. I found that interesting. I'd never seen her looking so wide-eyed before. We heard a small crash followed by a swear or two. Her pupils turned to pink pricks of black. She turned back (her hand was still on my mouth. I like the way it smelt for some reason) to look for the source of the noises. It had been the guard who tripped on his way home. Once all was quiet again Toroko gave a sign. Her eyes were back to their normal size by then and I was completely awake.

Toroko smiled a bit and giggled quietly. I stood there with her hand on my mouth. She finally realized where her hand was and for how long it had been there. She quickly drew it back to her side. She went buggy eyed again and her fur and whiskers stood on end. It was only a glance I got at that. My face burned up at it though. That happened a lot when we were together. Happens a lot with Matsuri too.

"Sorry".

Having said that Toroko dragged me off yet again. My brain continued its decent into death when she grabbed my hand. It wasn't until we were well into the graveyard that I had enough sense about me to realize what this had all been about. She was going to show me the graveyard even if she knew the risks of getting caught.

"We'll be here for a while. They've probably finished switching shifts by now."

The village was guarded round the clock. Not that it helped any in the end.

We stood against a cave wall for a long while. I couldn't think of anything to say and Toroko couldn't either. That or she just didn't want to talk. Still feeling awkward and tense I stepped forward and began to look around. The gravestones nearest to me looked old. Crumbling apart and stuff. And then there was a section of freshly dug grave mounds. They lacked the pomp and circumstance of the others. Just some piles of dirt with a few small rocks to mark them. I felt sick and fell back. That's where the mimiga who died in the Doctor's first attack were.

"Sue."

I whirled around quickly. I shouldn't have. It made my condition even worse. Toroko looked on at the graves. I didn't understand what she felt. I should have been hit by some crazy empathy wave, but I wasn't. I was just sick to stomach thinking about dead rabbits. She said nothing and walked off. When I didn't follow she turned back, tugged on my left sleeve, and headed off again. I followed that time.

We came to a rather large rock with the words "Here lies Arthur. The Hero of the Mimiga" carefully carved onto its front most side. It had been moved to this location sometime after Arthur's death. You could see the trail left by the stone during the transfer.

Toroko sat down in front of the grave stone.

"My brother is...here."

She really didn't need to tell me that. It wasn't something that would need clarification. Sure I couldn't read most of what was on the stone without difficulty, but I could tell whose grave it was at least. But then maybe it was her that needed clarification. I wouldn't understand that until after Toroko died. It's hard to know that she's dead. I keep expecting her to just be around the corner or to hear her calling out my name. But she won't. I know that. But it feels sick and unreal even now.

I couldn't respond. I just stood there. Should I have done something? I think I should have. I know I should have.


	13. Entry 13

I've been putting this thing off again. It's been a week since I last wrote anything in it. Even when I get into a fight about it and resolve to do better next time I fall back into my old habits. I'm as dedicated as your average insect. Actually. No. They are much more dedicated than I am.

This past week hasn't been exciting anyway. Not much to write about. Oh that's just an excuse but whatever. The most exciting things were my actually getting some sleep and Kazuma's burning breakfast four days in a row. For the most part I've felt the same as I have before. Irritated and apathetic most of the day with little sprinklings of total despair here and there. I wasn't as dizzy this week though. That sleep was something I really needed I guess. "I guess"? What is that? I needed that sleep.

Today I ran into Matsuri. I mean quite literally ran into. Well not ran into. Bumped into is more like it. Regardless I had been walking down the hall when I walked right into Matsuri. She'd been eating her lunch absentmindedly and dropped her orange when we crashed into each other (her diet seems to consist solely of sour fruit unless she eats differently for big meals). She bent down to pick the fruit up and gave me a zoned out apology. She must not have known it was me because when she actually looked at me her eyes widened and she apologized some more. She left in a busied hurry without even having said "Hi". She usually takes the time to greet you most of the time. It was odd. Sure Matsuri's often spaced out, but she's still aware of her surroundings and will respond to them at least somewhat. The only time she's ever like this is when she's stressed out and I've only seen her like this once before when her dog was dying. The Island thing must've shook her up, but I didn't really see much of her when we first got back. Me and my family were busily being hurried off to interviews. I wonder what Matsuri's freaking out about.

Toroko didn't wig out a lot. Actually I don't know if she did. Everyone reacts to things differently so maybe she had been. Maybe she wasn't so jumpy and fidgety normally. I never thought about this before. What would Toroko be like when her brother hadn't just been murdered and when there wasn't a lunatic in a magic hat and some island monster out wrecking her life. I didn't really know her at all did I? I just knew after trauma Toroko. I didn't know content Toroko or anything. Just "my life had gone to hell recently" Toroko. I can't know now.


	14. Entry 14

Last night sucked immensely. I couldn't get to bed till about two in the morning. Today hasn't been all that great either.

I ran into Matsuri again. I had been on my way to get a book for Kazuma (he still uses me as his gopher even when my world is falling apart). Matsuri had been doing something. I don't know what. Her hands were bandaged up. Whatever's been bugging her it must be bad. Matsuri was even more out of it today. She just picked up her stuff and ran by me letting out a barely audible "sorry". What the hell is wrong? Can't be her dog. He's been dead. She obviously hasn't been fired or something. She ignores most of the crap people say about her being creepy and rude. So what is it?

This has had me in a bad mood. Not that my moods have been any good lately. I don't know anything and it's making everything even worse. I don't know what Toroko was really like. I don't know what's bugging Matsuri. I don't know if I'm getting any better. What do I know? That I'm fucked up and that I'm a giant bunny girl? That's totally helpful info. Seriously. Kazuma says the best thing to do when I don't know is to write about how I feel about things. I feel like shit and I hate all of it. That's not really all that illuminating Kazuma. At all.

Well this isn't good. I want to burn this journal or tear it up. You know I think I'll go read a book or something. Distractions always help.

It's been an hour and I haven't done anything, but glare at a wall and cry. I keep telling myself to do something, but I don't. I keep telling myself that it'll be less crappy later, but I keep wallowing. All I want to do right now is stare at this wall and occasionally bitch about how much life sucks. Kazuma will probably read this and be all "See you are making progress Sue!" Sure. Yeah. Right. What is this "progress" anyway and how come everyone sees it but me?

I went to take a walk after throwing this journal at my wall. I was still fed up with everything, but at least I wasn't drowning in it anymore. I headed to the library to hide away. I could look at books and put them back on shelves. That's therapeutic. I could lie about having something to do for my brother if anyone asked why I was in there for so long too. They'd believe it.

It had been mostly empty. It had been a short day today and most people were gone by now. Matsuri had been there though. She was staring out into space near a desk. Normally I'd run off and go hide so I could avoid someone noticing that I'm feeling bad ("bad" just "bad"?) I was surprised though. Maybe it was my being worried about her. Whatever it was I blurted her name out like an idiot.

Matsuri turned around in shock. She seemed freaked out. I think she was anyway. Matsuri's got a hard to read face. As a sort of trade off she can't read other people's faces very well either. Helps add to the "Matsuri's weird and rude" image people tend to have of her.

"Why are you here Sue?"

"Why are you?" My response had been shrill and rushed.

Matsuri didn't answer right away. She looked at her feet and seemed to be gathering her thoughts together. Finally she said, "I've been worried".

"No shit."

That had just come out. I caught myself afterwords and tried to fix it. "You've been running into walls again Matsuri."

She knew what I meant by that. I had pointed it out to her back when her dog was keeling over. I hadn't realized it was a sign of her being stressed when I first mentioned it though.

"It's not always walls. I've only ran into a wall four times this week. Once on Tuesday at 9:43 AM when I was on my way to the lab. I had overslept and-"

I cut her off at that point. Matsuri had a tendency to go off on very long and very detailed tangents when she did describe her day. I think this habit of hers is part of why she doesn't talk about it much. Any sane person would blow up at her for having to sit through a monologue about everything that happened when she was getting breakfast that morning.

"So you've been stressed Matsuri?"

She just nodded. Maybe she was afraid she'd start rambling again.

"'bout what?"

Matsuri looked at the ground again and thought things out. Her response was a single word. "You."

I laughed when I heard that. I just couldn't believe it. Matsuri's who's about as socially adept as a robot was worried about me. Matsuri who spends her days thinking about rockets and specific times and dates was worried. About me. That sounds mean. I do have a point though. She doesn't pick up on such things very well.

I stopped myself after some laughing. I felt like an ass for having laughed at her so much, but I just found it hard to believe. She seemed confused. A silence followed.

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You have been crying quite a bit lately, Sue."

I don't think I realized how noticeably upset I had been until then. I had just kinda assumed no one noticed. But they must have. They just didn't do anything about it. Well Kazuma has been and Matsuri's been wigging out about it. So. Two people.

"Is it the Island?"

Matsuri was spot on with that. She could do that at times. She could just pull out the central point of the matter. It always shocked me when she did that. She didn't do it very often and other people just beat around the bush or never bring it up at all. Matsuri's got an awkward sort of bluntness to her.

I cried. Matsuri didn't apologize. She has learned not to do that after I had snapped at her for saying sorry all the time on a number of occasions. Most people think that's rude. I find constant apologies annoying though.

It took me awhile to pull myself together. When I did I just said "Yeah". I didn't need to. It was obvious. Even to her. I said it anyway.

Matsuri hugged me after that. She doesn't do that very often. In fact she stays rather far from people physically in general. That time though she did. It was nice. People are warm. Yeah that's kinda dumb to point out, but that's warmth's really nice at times and then was such a time.


End file.
